Conscience:
this morning I have been thinking about this important matter, once again. What prompted it was waking up at 4am to the alarm clock, strangely, I couldn't see it very well. Because of my jug of water on the bedside table I was unwilling to do any vigourous groping for it. It rang longer than it ought to have done and I was a bit concerned it might wake Ron unnecessarily (a pang of conscience?). Next I went and sat down in my corner and put on my little book-lamp (thankful I am that I made that particular 'impulse' buy just over a year ago!) and did what I needed. Then it struck me as odd that the door was not slightly ajar - it normally is left that way after Ron comes to bed. I scrooged up my eyes and managed to make out that it was 4.12 on the illuminated bedside radio-alarm over on Ron's side. Funny that, I couldn't see RON in bed.... Well, I had to finish with Victoria meanwhile wondering whether Ron was still working outside, maybe he had fallen over and hurt himself, maybe he was slumped over his desk in his office, sleeping; maybe he had just sat down in his chair in the lounge and dropped off to sleep? As soon as Victoria was safely stowed in bed again, I thought I had better go and investigate - what was my horror when I found that the bolt was across on the inside of the bedroom door?!!!! I had put it across to prevent any sympathetic boys coming in and prolonging the agony of Victoria's new night-time habit of yelling herself to sleep even though she is desperately tired. Then I had done all the cleaning and preparations I needed to, read 2 Peter in pursuit of more light on the matter of the new heavens and new earth, and (very late) at 10.40, finally put my head down and was blessed with undisturbed rest until the alarm stirred me at 4. Shocked, I was indeed, and then my conscience got me. Or was it my conscience? Or was it an ill-trained conscience? Interesting quesitons.
Well, since there was not a whisper of a chance that I would be able to get back to sleep, I wrote a note on a piece of card and skillfully attatched it to the mirror using a coat-hanger and hair pin making sure to have it hanging in such as way as Ron would be able to see it when he came from the lounge to the bathroom. (He didn't !) Next I went and continued with my Rushdoony book 'revolt against maturity' - I completed the chapter on patience and hope (maybe Ron shoudl have had that one!) and the very next chapter (isn't God astonishing!!!) was on CONSCIENCE.
The commonly held view (and I think this is something of a working view for many Christians too....) is that conscience is 'Any emotionally-toned experience in which a tendency to act is inhibited by a recognition, socially conditioned, that suffering evil consequences is likely to result from acting on the impulse to act.' I take that to say (in a mirror-image manner) 'our conscience is likely to give us trouble when we do things which might result in real or imagined displeasure by someone we have to live with'. Now then, if we make a mistake we may be sorry that it causes difficulties, and we certainly ought to make that known to anyone affected, by way of apology; BUT (as someone who 'does' guilt in a big way - hey, I'm a MOTHER!!!!) this should not blot our consciences. As Rushdoony concludes his chapter: "Conscience tied to feeling leads people down the road of self-delusion and into a burning out in phrenetic experiences.
A godly conscience, informed by the word of God, leads men into a productive life and into a freedom before God. Conscience having its origin in God's creative act, can only thrive under God and His law."
Conscience and guilt are inextricably linked of course. Cain wanted to be pleasing to God (otherwise why would he have bothered with sacrifice in the first place?). He wanted God to approve of him - he was annoyed when God didn't (though he knew in advance what he needed to do in order to be acceptable). The Pharisees wanted to be pleasing to God - they took great pains to be righteous - what a nasty shock they had when Jesus told them they were (in the eyes of God) like painted-over graves (by means of which people would unintentionally defile themselves by coming into contact, inadverently, with something unclean) and a brood of vipers.
The question is, who is wise enough (without the benefit of hindsight) to indentify and correct his own follies (either of a wrongly functioning or a badly conditioned conscience)? I'll try and keep my conscience for feeling guilt about what God doesn't approve of - sin in fact. Thanks be to God that He promises to lead us into truth and to sanctify us by His Truth. I think the optimum way to make progress in the walk is to have REAL fellowship with those who are similarly determined to understand and know God better and keep a clean conscience in the sight of our mighty Redeemer, by faith. Looking forward to some of that this weekend...